She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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