he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
