Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
