dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
