Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
