i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
