Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
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Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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