why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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