Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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