C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
