you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
