I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
