sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you had me at cake vodka
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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