Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
