Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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