What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
