Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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