yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
