I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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