ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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