blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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