No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
