What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I puked a lego.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my shit smells like andre
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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