My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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