I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
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It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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