Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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