i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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