i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
