I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
