shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
