They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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