He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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