im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize