I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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