They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
