Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
