Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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