Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think my vagina is haunted
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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