ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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