you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
