Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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