I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
