I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
