Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
