As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
