I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
