the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
