I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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