he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
