Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
