Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
