dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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