i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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