Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
