I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
