I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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