Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
