this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
