i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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