I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
