I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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