great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
