I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
