But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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