i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
