i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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