one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
