How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
