He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She's JV to your varsity
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
