um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
