i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
