never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
