carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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