Say something about gay babies.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
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Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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