Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
