just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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