I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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