when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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