I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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