i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
