I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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