This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
