The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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