So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
